Archive | January 2011


From the cynic’s point of view, LOVE is neither here nor there.It is too fictional to even exist.So what if people did not invent the word “LOVE” just to give it a name to the mind-boggling and heart-racing feeling they constantly experience upon seeing a particular person? Then surely,the would not be filled with “heartaches” and “depression”.And I wouldn’t have wasted buckets of tears or had to nurse a heart that was shattered into pieces.

I admit,I used to believe in love along with it’s promises of unending happiness and contentment.I was lured & captivated,not just once but thrice. Unfortunately,fate did not favor me for always I always end up mending a broken heart and a bruised ego. I wonder why but I always find myself crying and mourning alone.I was like Jasmine riding with Aladin in a magical flying carpet and savoring that precious,wonderful moment.But during the heights of happiness,a lightning out of nowhere,struck us and in the next instant; I found myself kissing cemented ground with blood spluttered on my lips and the injustice of it all~~ no Aladin came to my rescue.He left me wounded- with a dislocated hipbone and kneecap.OUCH!

That might be a little bit exaggerated but it was really unfair.I realized that Aladin never really loved me and the truth hurts so much,I felt like being slapped with a shovel.But I maybe the crash shook my brain and served as an eye opener.I was suddenly awakened from a deep slumber.Enough is enough!! I should put a stop to this grief before it kills me.Thus,in order to free myself from seemingly never-ending agony,I decided to become cynical.

CYNICISM, they say is a process of slowly making your heart numb to heartaches or any other emotional pain.According to DANA MARQUEZ,a writer, cynicism is a form of anesthesia that most people inject to shield themselves from being hurt.

It was not hard for me.I gladly swallowed the pill however bitter.All I did was remember all the pain and hardships I had gone through.And VOILA!! cynical I become..Since then, life became easier.Finally,no more sulking, no more crying in the middle of the night, no more plotting idiotic revenge and most of all, no more heartache.I was still fortunate,after all.Or so I thought.

Months passed by and I never failed to notice the nagging voice inside my mind which constantly told me that I was a living a monotonous life.True, I shunned the romance-filled world and I succeeded in building an indestructible wall around my heart.Yet, the emptiness was still present. Wherever I went, I felt wearing an invincible mask.I smiled but I was never happy. I missed laughing out loud like I used to. I noticed that the pain which I kept for a long time now has not been healed as time passed by. Instead,I wallowed too much on my own grief and self-pity that the pain became wider,bigger and heavier to bear.

Now here I am,still standing,despite everything. I survived. Yet,I am still shattered inside..